An open letter to my wife

To my partner in crime,

I’ve known you for more than eight years now but not until almost six years ago that we started our relationship together. The first time we met was when we were working together – back then, you were a pharmacy student, and I was a pharmacist early in my career. I remember vividly on your first day of work; you came across to me as a straight A’s student that knew your stuff very well. But what made you stand out was how hands-on you were at work, which impressed me greatly. I have to be honest that it is very rare in my opinion that a student could pose both book and street-smart qualities. So, it was a fantastic start to our collegial relationship during our times working together.

Fast track to 3 years later, we both were working in different places. You were working as a clinical pharmacist in Lower Hutt, and I was working as a part-time pharmacist while pursuing my PhD study. Out of the blue, we started messaging each other again. By the time we knew it, the rest is history. Life is an exciting mystery, often we set out on a quest in search of the best, but without realising, the best is already present right before our eyes. I often used this phrase to describe our relationship. Because you are the perfect one for me and I’m so glad that it didn’t take me long to realise that and did something about it.

I don’t consider myself as someone who has the instinct of always making the right decisions in life.  However, marrying you is probably one of the most decisive choices that I’ve made that turns out to be the best decision that I’ve ever made in my entire life.

Popping the question, buying a house together, and getting married and going on a honeymoon is the natural progression when you find someone willing to embark on a journey into the unknown with you regardless of the outcome. It is no different from ours. Since we both love kids and we are always on the same page when it comes to raising a family together, it has never been a question of “whether” but more so about “when” we are going to start a family.

I can remember clearly the day you surprised me with new-born onesies and a positive pregnancy test wrapped in a gift box; it is the day my life has changed completely. It was something that I have never experienced. It was a sense of joy that can never be put into words. Since then, we have embarked on an extraordinary pregnancy journey. It was the one that has completely recalibrated our life. Being able to witness and be right beside you throughout the journey was a blessed and miraculous experience. It made me appreciate so much about life.

I mean, we all know how precious life is, and some scientists even estimate the probability of you being born at about one in 400 trillion – that’s a pretty significant number. However, a lot of the time, you couldn’t put it into the perspective of the sheer odds we are in from just being born. At least not until you see how a little person comes about overtime that you genuinely believe that being able to be given a chance to be born in this world is itself is already a miracle. Not to mention all the complications and challenges that could potentially arise throughout the whole pregnancy journey.

What makes it amazingly special is that despite knowing that the odds are against us, we still managed to create something so perfect and precious. To be honest, the word ecstatic is an understatement as we just cannot find a word to describe our joy truly.

To say that you are simply my superhero is an understatement. You are a strong and yet a caring person for whom my admiration and love for you has grown a little more each day since we got married. However, not until the past nine months that my love for you has grown exponentially. I may have thought I loved you before, but I’m not exaggerating when I say I worship you now.

I’ll never forget the way you looked when the obstetrician told us that our lives as we knew it was set to change forever. The way you protectively cradle your belly during the car ride home, the way you smiled as we decorate baba’s room to a safari theme, the way you change your routine to accommodate this little person in you, the way you sacrificed the food that you love so that this little person could thrive in your tummy.

Day by day, you started to see the little guy growing bigger ever so slightly in your tummy. Day by day, you begin to feel his kicks getting stronger and stronger to the point that we could literally feel his little feet pressing hard against your tummy. Day by day, we start to build a real connection with him. You still manage to get through each day as though it’s no big deal, as though you just naturally know what to do.

At times, part of me is terrified about what is to come. I worry about whether I will be a good role model for our son. I worry about not being able to help with taking care of our son properly. I worry about not earning enough to give you and baba a comfortable life. But every time I had those thoughts, I just look at you and realise how you have handled everything that came your way, whether you like it or not so confidently and poise. This is just simply enough for me to keep on grinning about the future.

Right now, I’m sitting in a chair next to your bed at Birthcare, staring at you while you are sleeping as I am writing this. I have no idea how you did it. The pain must have been so intense and overwhelming that even I could feel it.  The pain was brutal and unbearable, and I found myself gritting my teeth and tensing my whole body every time when you experience a contraction. I was in awe that you decided not to have an epidural despite the amount of pain you were enduring.

We always heard that we see the real person in times of desperation. The person I see today was the exact same girl that I met eight years ago, strong and tough but yet soft-spoken and caring. Despite the amount of pain you went through, you still manage to comfort me through the way you looked at me. The pain from the last few pushes must have been so intense that you gave everything you had in you. But the reward was out of this world.

You gave me a glimpse into what you have been keeping to yourself for the past nine months, and finally, we are holding our little man that you have sacrificed yourself, your body, and your routine and your time. I remember our midwife said to me as she delivered our baby boy that my son is a miracle. I couldn’t agree with her more. But in my honest opinion, the greater miracle is my wife, who has shown me what love really is and the definition of true selfless sacrifice.

Because of you, there are three of us now. The unbreakable trio of love, laughter, selfless and appreciation.

To my amazing wife,